Popularity is a BORE

I just finished reading Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights
( i didn't finish finish just done for the day thats all)

I realized, the books that are usually famous back then during the Bronte's time
and now in our time, the main character is usually almost always NEVER popular.

they're the sad one, the abused the one, the hated one, or just the normal one.

they all have something about that in their life that isn't going so great.

and most of the times, they only have one friend that really like them and feeling is mutual.



and it made me realize.

POPULARITY IS DULL

there is nothing to it.



all the DRAMA
is their IMAGINATION

they don't really have CHARACTER

its not NOTEWORTHY enough to be written about.


popularity has its charm. i know for sure it held a kind of wonder for me
but at times i flinch from it. its all appearance

its nice to have everyone like you and be like you
but then normally you turn out to be a spoiled brat that is usually the most selfish and unpitying kind

which leads to my BELIEF that suffering in life teaches you to be a better person.

Hope Yet

My prayer was answered!

thank you!



now i'll be a good girl and wait patiently for the right time to come.

its amazing how much lighter my soul feels
and how much my mouth wants to smile.

Consuming Beast Within

Untameable
controllable

driving me crazy!


i read through my old diaries
and i feel a pang in my heart
but i didn't cry

how much better i'd feel if i cried
but i can't cry

my emotions are eating me up but i can't even let it out
it just continues to consume me eating me up
taking away my laughter

its harder to focus on studying right now
but i can still smile, if not laugh

i haven't lost yet

Idiot

I'm so stupid
hit reality
don't lally in dreams


jerk!

thats all i need to know
thats all there really is
dont hope for meaningless things

that will get me


ABOSOLUTLY



NOWWHERE

so i need to get a grip of reality
and kick myself back into thinking straight

its been years!

be logicial!

dont' dally in the past!


i'm being waaaay too stupid about this.


and no matter how i feel!

no sight equals no fact


don't see!


stay away!

be emotion clean!


wash away that feeling of ugliness!

it doesn't exist for me!



be realistic!

that is who i am
that is the only way i'll survive ....

To: Sprout

hey sprout,

about headjerk, i can't tell if i really like him or not

its been waay to long, but he keeps on cropping up on my mind.

i think i have it bad

but, i won't admit to anything yet becasue

i might still be sad from grasshopper.

i won't confirm these feelings for sure till i see him

when i do, i'll call you right away and tell you all about it

love you =]

soju

Hopeless

okay.. i really like a guy

is it wrong to? no! right?

well then, is it wrong to think about him all the time?

he won' get out of my mind?

my heart aches and yet jumps and moves around

making my lung neighbors kind of pissed off and my rib cage mad.

people say that if you look at their pictures and such its creepy!

stalker! they yell

then how else would i see him, when he's far away

how else can i know he's still alive when i've lost contact?

how else can i calm down my emotions that feel like its going to eat me up

and keeps me up till late at night?

not able to focus on anything else

and hardest of all, acting like nothings wrong

cause then i become a creep.

its amazing how nice it feels to know that that special someone is still out there somewhere

and pray and hope with all my heart that we'll meet again

and maybe this time it'll work

only to be disappointed yet again

...

Lost

I was looking through some old pictures...

it kind of got me sentimental, you know?


among them was a guy i used to like in middle school. i don't like him anymore.. but i did like him a lot... it was a cute crush i could say...

cept i confessed

and he ignored me

and now i'm worried. will i be able to tell the person i like right now that i like him?

after the guy from middle school was a guy, around 2 years ago... that one didn't turn out too well either... am i just unlucky now that i've entered highschooL?
(i'm a senior in high school now!)


am i hopeless?

probably huh?

depressing thought..

Oh so Lonely

Lonely?
oh so lonely?

i want to eat ice cream?
what the?

okay. I'm sitting in my room, alone. and i realize..
its very quiet and lonely, .. so i had to type that up there.

i came back from the beach yesterday.

it was very interesting.

it was very beautiful.

i think it was kind of fun.

it was fun.



my thoughts are kind of scattered huh?
one day i want to show some people the beach.

i love the beach, the wind and the .. everything...

just makes it such a wonderful.. thing.. place

i love it a lot. =]



p.s. i am a normal person ><

It has to be Love

I am now officially seventeen.
Many people wish me happy birthday.
It makes me very happy.
But the one person whom i want to say that to me,
he never will.

I've known this guy for seven years now. We didn't exactly get along, but even still, i really did like him. A lot. And i was only in the fifth grade or so when that happened. It was at first sight. The moment i saw him, i knew. (You don't get one of those very often)

BUT

he doesn't live anywhere near here. He's far off, where i can't talk to him, say hi to him or even see him. and no matter what, i can't tell him how i feel.

Did you KNOW?

i'm a very pessimistic person. It seeps through. Not very bright and shiny at all, just not gloomy and depressing

ANYMORE

BUT

i really really really miss this person.

A LOT

and i can't see him

CRY

this feeling that constricts me, it really hurts

Pain... i really try to act like everything is okay,... but will i ever be able to forget him?

I miss him, i want to see him, talk to him, argue with him.

Yes its a him.


Isn't it such a happy birthday?